On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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