Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
