ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
