Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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