I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
