Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
