Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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