Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
