I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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