I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
