I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
