that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
