I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
