operation harelip BJ is a go
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
