why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
