i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
