i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
