How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
