Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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