i wish starbucks made bloody marys
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
