so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
