I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
