i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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