Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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