you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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