Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
