I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
