I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
