I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
