"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
