i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
