i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
nutella sex= disaster
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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