I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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