Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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