Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Randomize
