Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
