So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
