she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
