I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
