Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
