she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
