you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
