his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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