you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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