singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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