Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
