I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
