He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
