So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
