Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I love having hate sex.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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