R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
